Got a call this morning that left me shaking, shivering underneath my skin, rattled to the bone. It’s that day we don’t think will come, but undoubtedly sneaks up to the front door, rings the doorbell so loudly that we can’t avoid the impermanence of life anymore. I feel a bit numb, but the current of tears, the swell of insane laughter will soon ebb and flow throughout this house again soon, any minute now actually.
Yep, those tears of worry and the insane laughter that follows. Tears of fear that cleanse my soul and allow room for laughter at the absurdity of worrying. The down down downness dancing with the up up upward, only to fall again in the unanswered questions of this uncertain and impermanent life. It is a magical swirl of emotions I feel today, all because of one phone call.
What makes a person healthy? Are we healthy because of how our bodies feel or because of what our minds tell us? I’d say I’m quite healthy! My body feels great, my mind is in training with the help of yoga, meditation, running, green juice, breathing, mommying, loving…. So why is it that we suddenly feel sick when ‘the call’ comes that ‘something’s not quite right’? Why does the worry kick in? Why does the mind dwell on the ‘uncertain, not-quite-rightness’?
The call arrived 4 hours ago, I cried, I worried, I Googled, I cried some more, and now? I’m writing to you guys. All I could think of to do was write. Write it out. Write the feelings, let it flow, put life into this post, put feelings out there into the world, feelings of grief, feelings of uncertainty, and feelings of hope, love, warmth – all of which we ALL feel sooner or later. This life is wild, I can’t even begin to describe this day to you all. One moment up, and the next? Plummeting. Uncertainty, impermanence, that’s all I can say right now. Embrace it. Befriend it. Trust it. They are all around us. The unknown is with us every day, but don’t let it scare you, don’t let it worry you, embrace it. Embrace the questions, the fears, embrace the love inside of you that keeps you going today.
What a day to get less than wonderful news. But you know what? We all get those calls, the ones that don’t sing in our favor.
What a beautiful day to start living again. What a day to welcome life. What a day to just say to you all that I’m scared, I’m uncertain, but it won’t stop me from living, and I hope your uncertainties don’t stop you either. ‘Bad news’ is only as bad as you allow it to be. The ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ are a part of our experience. No one can avoid the low moments, we all go through them. It’s okay to experience them, to be scared, but remember that you are alive today, this moment, and all of these moments smashed together – the ‘good’ and the ‘bad,’ are evidence of your life….
Evidence that you’ve lived
Evidence and proof that you can get through this, whatever it may be.
Sending strength out there, to you guys. Keep going, it is such a beautiful life. Don’t waste too much time worrying. Embrace everything in the world – it is all there for YOU!
Remember your breath, remember your life, and remember to be grateful for it all.