burn out blog post

Sore spots in relationships

To my wonderful readers, friends, and family —

 

I’d like to share some exciting news! I started this blog as a means to express my journey through motherhood, anxiety, spiritually connecting with the universe, and questioning the hell out of this strange and magical world. I rarely check my ‘blog analytics,’ but yesterday I felt pulled to see in what countries LifeofKi is viewed. And you guys, since January 2014, LifeofKi has reached over 80 countries! 80?!?! What?

My little blog. A place of questioning and growth that I started two years ago with little to no expectations of reaching the outside world, and now?! Gratitude fills me. It’s truly magical what happens when we have the courage to work on ourselves and expose our cracked and creviced places. I never could have imagined that people all over the world would continue to relate to and return to my words.

Thank you, thank you, thank you again.

You see me.

I see you too.

 

———-

 

On another note – let’s be productive today and work on ourselves!

As you guys know, many of my readers and friends come to me with relationship issues and ask for advice.

First — I like to ask questions in order to get them thinking about who they are and what they bring to a relationship – Because remember, we must first begin with ourselves in order to understand the world around us.

I’d like to focus today on our ‘sore spots’ in relationships. What do I mean by sore spots? I’m talking about those things that, perhaps unknowingly, hinder and destroy our relationships over time. I’ve heard them referred to as the ‘cancer’ of relationships.

I’m talking about our Insecurities and Expectations.

Now it’s your turn to do some work.

 

Today, let’s be aware of our sore spots —

What are your insecurities?

Think about your “I’m not” statements? (I’m not beautiful enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not enough) Are you aware of the insecurities you bring to relationships with friends, family, and future partners?

 

What are your expectations?

What do you expect from other people when you enter a new relationship? What do you expect from yourself? Are your expectations too high? Are they open-minded enough? Do you expect too much from your children? Your spouse? Your parents?

Once you’ve given yourself time to sit with these questions, I’d like you to be aware of how much work you’ve done thus far. Facing our rough edges is the first step.

 

Maybe you’re thinking, okay Ki, I already know these things about myself, but what can I do RIGHT NOW to mend my relationships?

I have 4 nuggets of advice to start with TODAY.

 

1. Drop expectations

Drop all expectations of how others should be, or act, or love, or dress, or speak, etc. Drop expectations of how you think you should look, or act, or be in relationships as well. Just be you. The goal here is to be open to others for exactly who they are. When we drop these thoughts, we create so much SPACE in our lives and minds for the present moment and the person in front of us.

 

2. Make NO assumptions

     Unless you ask, you do NOT know. The goal here is to LOSE your assumptions about people and situations, and to open communication with those around you. If you don’t know, ask. If there is a misunderstanding in your relationship, reach out and ask why there is tension. If you are curious about someone new and would like to know more, ask. If someone didn’t return your call — instead of becoming annoyed or angry, why not reach out again after a couple of days? Keep communication OPEN.

 

3. Let go of the need for another’s affirmation in order to affirm yourself

     I can assure you, I’ve been in situations where I thought I needed love, attention, (fill in the blank) from someone, when really – I needed to focus on tending to those areas within myself. This is where the real work begins. We must learn to let go of what we THINK we need from others. Don’t expect others to fill you – YOU must fill you.

 

4. Affirm yourself

     Practice loving-kindness, meditate, look in the mirror and admire your best qualities, write down what you love about your intellectual being, your spiritual being, whatever it is that makes you feel good about being YOU – DO IT! EMBRACE IT! BE IT!

 

Remember:

We must first begin with ourselves in order to spread our brightest light and harvest our healthiest relationships.

 

Sending my best,

Ki

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