Tag Archives: Awake

Awake

Leave your ego here. Yes, right here at the end of this sentence.

Good, you are in the present moment.

Take these words in – as objectively as possible.

As a great friend once said, “Let your mind focus, and in that focus — set it free.”

 

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What if there is no Heaven? No Hell? What if they are not actually ‘places’ at all?

What if God is with us, here, now, instead of waiting for us at the pearly white gates of Heaven? What if ‘He’ is stabilizing us, just as the ground stabilizes each stride? What if He speaks to us, just as the wind brushes a cheek? What if ‘He’ is not really a ‘He,’ but rather an ‘It’? What if God is actually the Universe?

I can’t say for sure that there are destinations called Heaven and Hell — I like to imagine ‘Heaven’ and ‘Hell’ are elements within us; they make up our being. ‘Heaven’ is the soul within each of us. ‘Hell’ is the mind. In essence, I imagine humans as reflections of the universe. Not reflections of God per say – although I still believe in higher thinking, higher powers. Yet, where some people say ‘God’ is the highest thinker, I say the ‘universe’ is the highest thinker. Therefore, we as humans are very capable of achieving high(er) thinking. ‘Heaven’ and ‘Hell’ within us, however, often intervene and may even hold us back from pursuit of a freeing knowledge – one that is content, peaceful, removed from care and concern.

The Universe is very beautiful, very stubborn, very dangerous at times. So are humans. Very beautiful, very stubborn, very dangerous. The Universe is impermanent — always changing — and I believe humans are no different. We change every day. We grow older; our features fade; we grow weak; we die. Our minds are no different from our bodies. Our minds evolve — just as the old Oak tree grows and strengthens its roots, we cannot forget that it was once a tiny seedling. So, if the Universe and humans are mirror images of impermanence, then how could we ever believe in any fixed, finite places called Heaven and Hell?

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Where is your ego now? Has it returned? What is it saying? Have I challenged your beliefs? Perhaps. I hope I have not angered or offended anyone. Never an intention of mine. These thoughts, they come and they go. Some flourish in my mind, others are never to be seen again. Hopefully your eyes are a bit wider, mind turning a bit quicker, heart beating a bit faster. These are all lovely signs. Signs that you are alive. Just remember, no human knows the answer to Heaven and Hell. Be tolerant of other viewpoints, even if you do not agree. Stand firm in your views. Hold tight to what you know now. After all, the only thing we know for sure – is what the universe offers NOW.

Something beautiful

There are these moments in time

When you know you have done wrong.

And you know the world is laughing at you.

Pushing you.

 

Take it all away. This mess we’re in.

My body aches, my mind cries.

We’ve done this for so long.

Who are we now?

 

I see a different face,

Feel a weaker touch,

Taste a bitter kiss.

Who am I?

 

The same lies.

Worn out hopes.

Played out dreams.

We’re sinking, walls crumbling.

 

Inside I’m screaming. Oh how my thoughts let me down.

Let’s run.

Far away from these damn games. This damn place.

Our paths undone.

 

Breathe in, breath out.

Break down and move on.

I’ll push you, you pull me.

Hold tight. 

 

You’re so damn stubborn — but new hopes, new dreams, they form.

Life seeps from your pores.

Color in your cheeks, light burning in your eyes.

Passion in your breath.

 

The silence. Listen.

It is calm. Do not fear it.

Drink it in. It will become you, as I’ve always said.

Wake, again.

 

Good morning, my love.

Good to see you, again.

Here, now, awake.

Now, hold on to this.

 

Hold on tight.

Be still in the now.

Be gone with the old.

In time we’ll sort it out.

 

 

–Original Poem–

Lucas’ Life Lessons

I’ll just say it now – Mom and Dad, you were right. All those times you scornfully looked me square in the eye and preached, “You’ll never understand until you have children,” well …. I couldn’t agree more. Luckily for me, I’m saying this in a positive manner – as Lucas has yet to test the waters and challenge my strength of discipline. Perhaps this blog post is for you guys. Perhaps it is for all of my naïve friends who have yet to experience the joys of parenthood. Perhaps it is simply an opportunity to reflect upon what Lucas has taught me thus far.

Three years ago, I knew nothing about what it truly meant to be a parent. I assumed it was all about teaching the child — raising him to be an intelligent, responsible, loving adult. Fast forward to three years post childbirth; I smile at the beauty of my ignorance. Only a fraction of parenthood is about teaching the child. What most new parents cannot know is that an even greater piece of the equation involves forgetting what you know and beginning to see the world anew – with curious eyes and an awakened mind. We don’t have all the answers, and sometimes it takes new beginnings – even a new life – to truly understand this.

I love the thought that ‘we can always begin again.’ As Lucas takes my hand, I am beginning to appreciate the absurdity and preciousness of the present moment.

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Enjoy the simplest of lessons Lucas has taught me over the years!

 

The best snuggles require drool and lots of snoring

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Imaginary play surpasses toys/games any day

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The messier the play, the better the day

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Always give something/someone a second chance — first impressions are NOT everything

Copy of no sanks

It is OKAY to cry (thank you for reminding me of this)

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No dream is too big

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Have no fear

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If you need help, ask for it

Big and little

The best days are the ones we never planned

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I love you, my little man. Never stop inquiring. Never stop exploring. Never stop dreaming. And never, stop teaching.

Mommy and baby 

Love,

Mom

 

 

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Related:

My Birthday Wish

Love Yourself

If you haven’t read What I Know Now – Letters to My Younger Self, read it. Then read it again. Then share it with a friend.
What would you tell your younger self? Look at your life at this exact moment. In retrospect, would you tell a naive you to take another path? Or would you tell ‘yourself’ to buckle up, hold on tight and enjoy the ride? This is your chance to inspire, yourself.
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Ki,
It has been a trying twenty three years thus far. You’ve graduated high school, proven yourself worthy of academic scholarships by Hanover’s standards, oh and how could I forget you birthed an enormous child, created a new life in Midwest America, and you have fervently driven yourself into madness trying to answer the questions in your heart that most people don’t answer in a lifetime.
To you, sixteen-year-old Ki, first and foremost you are beautiful. You don’t know that now, I’m not sure you ever will… but try every day to believe it in your heart. Second, you are brilliant. Maybe not by most “normal people’s standards,” but your creativity is rare, unique, passionate. You are not Edgar Allan Poe, but follow his lead. Having role models is key. You know that gut feeling you have now as you sit in English class? Hold on to that. Hold on tight, Kiley. It is OKAY to feel something special when you write. It is OKAY to be a thinker; to be a dreamer. It is OKAY to share your thoughts. Share with everyone. Share your talents. Build your confidence now because I can tell you from experience that the longer you wait, the more you will struggle expressing what you know to be true.
STOP with the fake smile. It is OKAY to be real with people. Being real does not mean showing everyone what they want to see; saying everything others want to hear. Being real is where your life begins, not ends. It is not the end of the world to cry and show people that you are only human.
STOP giving away your love with such ease. People will take advantage of your love. I’m telling you now that the greatest love you will ever know is not far off in the future. His love is beautiful. His love is new. His love is pure.
Have confidence that you will make the right decisions for you. Your path will be different than most your age, but wonderfully adventurous (if you enjoy not sleeping for the rest of your life). If you haven’t caught on already, you will be a young mother. Can you believe it? You will be someone’s role model; someone’s biggest influence for the rest of his life. Have the confidence to know you are a careful listener, a lifelong teacher, an amazing mother.
Lastly, enjoy the short-lived experience that is college.
Your days of:
  • Living for yourself
  • Zero responsibility (except good grades and occasionally dragging your ass out of bed to show up to class) and
  • Building friendships that will last long after your impulsive exit from Hanover (yes, impulsive)
…..will feel like the blink of an eye.
Kiley, if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. If you don’t love yourself, no one else truly can. If you could only read this, at sixteen, oh how different you – I – would be.
Love,
Yourself

To Want

Have you ever thought about not wanting, just for a second? Have you ever thought about what would happen if you asked about the world, instead of just asking for it? Who do you think you are? Who do you think I am? Why would you think you have any idea of what you want? Most nights you still go to bed confused, angry at yourself. When are you going to start considering the possibility that you are exactly who you want to be?
 –-Paraphrased from Charles Yu’s – Sorry Please Thank You
 
I came across these questions a few months ago. Up until that point in my life, I can honestly say I always assumed my life would be more – I needed to do more, be more, give more, love more, ask more, live more. More, more, more. But at what point does more melt into enough? Is there a finite ending?
 
Is life about continuously asking these questions of ourselves while filling our days with compulsive activity, only to avoid the real issues? Is the real issue ourselves? Are we the answer? I am told I want to be a certain type of person…. And yet I have never considered that who I am, at this very second, is exactly who I need to be, want to be, ought to be…
 
Who tells us we should do better? Know better? Be better? Who are they? Who are those people? At what point do we stop asking those questions and accept that who we are at this very second is exactly who the world needs us to be?
 
It’s an interesting spectacle – living with a child. He does not know anything but his own life. He does not covet, does not envy, does not fear. He is exactly who he needs to be. He is exactly what the world expects of him.  He is exactly what I need him to be. So at what point can we live like a child and expect nothing more of ourselves than who we are in that exact moment? Is that ever achievable?
 
Some answer no; I answer yes.
 
“An adult is one who has lost the grace, the freshness, the innocence of the child, who is no longer capable of feeling pure joy, who makes everything complicated, who spreads suffering everywhere, who is afraid of being happy, and who, because it is easier to bear, has gone back to sleep. The wise man is a happy child.” – Arnaud Desjardins
 
Sometimes, when all we have are questions, the simplest answer is to wake up. Be awake in this present moment – Love those who are right in front of us – Taste the kiss that is offered and gone in a heartbeat’s second – Breathe the air for a moment longer.
 
Be exactly who you are in exactly this moment.
 
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