Tag Archives: Love

Energy

It has been 16 months since May.

Memory of you hides in the dusty shadows of my mind.

I can’t recall the taste of your aura

Nor the smell of your presence. 

 

My mind is so foggy since our eyes last met.

But my senses are open –

Ready for you again.

 

Remind me of your brilliance.

Consume all of my senses.

Steal each thought from my mind if you must.

Swallow me up,

Promise to embrace me once more.

 

The sandy grit of your presence – I see you from afar.

Like a thief

You steal my breath.

My demons walk with me as I approach your coy ‘Hello.’

Thank God you see me the way you do; strange as you are to me.

 

Here we are. Together again.

You wear a different color, unknown to me.

Perhaps my senses have weakened.

Surely my memory has not failed me.

Or has it?

 

Your embrace – it crashes into me.

I stumble, but you stabilize me, as always.

Words fail me each time the sun sprinkles her rays on our skin as one.

You nurse my soul, mending the crippled corners.

 

The wind is stronger now.

My senses are clearer now.

Your kiss is cool and forceful.

 

Eternal passion flows in you, out of you, into me.

I feel your energy piercing my skin,

Hot as the sand beneath my feet.

 

I see your persistence.

I can taste this love.

 

Beautiful Ocean of mine,

You never fail to cleanse me.

Awake, yet again.

 

IMG_20130910_185321_1

–Original Poem–

Sex or Love?

Quick food for thought —

During an interesting “life” conversation with a friend, I was asked to pick between the two: love versus sex, if I could only have one for the rest of my life. Without hesitation, I preached:

Great sex only lasts so long. Old age takes away spontaneity, sex drive, good looks. But love, love is forgiving and transcends any bodily transformation or momentary pleasure. Love pleases the heart, always. Even in tough times – if love remains, anything is overcome. Love is a glimpse into the soul, and I’d rather have access to one’s soul that to one’s penis (sorry to be so frank). Essentially, without graphically going into detail, there will come a day when our bodies decide sex is no longer an option. Then, with what are you left?

Multiple Personalities

I have multiple personalities. I am an actress. I decide which role to play every waking moment of the day. One minute I am the loving, nurturing mother to the guy around which my world revolves. The next, I am texting friends inquiring about jobs, weekend plans, and drunken escapades from the previous night’s work party. Just as I designate warm- and cold-weather areas in my closet for clothing to reside separately, each role I assume reigns over a separate, yet cozy, lair in my beautifully chaotic mind.

Unfortunately as of late, it is more difficult to compartmentalize all of my ‘roles.’  I often find myself lecturing friends; giving parental advice; and loaning a dollar here or there only to be acknowledged with, “Thanks, Mom.” (Lindsey – you will never live this down!) Sadly, I am over-empathizing and psychoanalyzing friends so much so that a text is no longer reciprocated with, “Hey Ki, what’s up?” but rather – “Hey mom, how are you?” Good grief Charlie Brown! Since when did my friends start to view me as a MOM? Or worse – a substitute for their mothers? (Only at the most dire times when their lovely mothers are unavailable to chat, of course) I guess I figured that if I was compartmentalizing in my own mind, then my friends were doing the same, right? Wrong.

When we got pregnant – yes, we… it takes two to tango – I never imagined how awkward it would be trying to integrate 20-something Kiley’s lifestyle with, err, Momma Kis lifestyle. When friends ask, “Hey want to meet up for dinner tonight?” my first thoughts are, Oh shit – does that mean Lucas is invited? Should I ask? Do I need to get a babysitter? Who was the last person to babysit Lucas? I wonder if so-and-so would mind watching him a second time this week? Even more awkward, truthfully just plain heartbreaking, is when 20-something Ki wants to go out on a Saturday night and has to break the news to bright-eyed Lucas that mommy isn’t partaking in bath, books, and bedtime. Serious Catch-22 happening here, people!! Rock and a hard place!! Welcome to mommyhood, readers. Oy vey.

I play many roles. All of which leave me feeling stressed, anxious, mentally exhausted when tackled individually. Isolating Momma Ki from alter-ego crazy Ki is one of my biggest challenges recently – aside from battling a stubborn 2-year-old who refuses to use his Cars potty – but I digress. Balancing both roles is a daily conundrum. And yet, I am certain that integrating the two is the only solution to maintaining an ounce of sanity in this self-imposed frenzy of a world I call mine.

I prefer not to be the Mom of the group with my friends, but just as I am warming up to reality that I am — in fact — a momma, perhaps I should get cozy with the idea that my friends view me as one as well.

Will 20-something Ki ever accept Momma Ki? Ha, I’ll probably keep on trudging the path of multiple-personalities until my bones grow old and heart, weak. But who knows, maybe I’ll come around one day. Hopefully my inner post-Oz Dorothy scolds me just enough to guilt me into putting on my big girl, Ruby red slippers so as to walk the road toward accepting every part of myself. After all, it is only I who holds the power to change how I view myself. Just gotta click those heels and have a little faith! Such a long road it is. 

And yet, it is an even longer road running away.

 

 

————————————–

 

 

Learn to accept, love and better yourself

Cheers!

Love Yourself

If you haven’t read What I Know Now – Letters to My Younger Self, read it. Then read it again. Then share it with a friend.
What would you tell your younger self? Look at your life at this exact moment. In retrospect, would you tell a naive you to take another path? Or would you tell ‘yourself’ to buckle up, hold on tight and enjoy the ride? This is your chance to inspire, yourself.
—————————————-
Ki,
It has been a trying twenty three years thus far. You’ve graduated high school, proven yourself worthy of academic scholarships by Hanover’s standards, oh and how could I forget you birthed an enormous child, created a new life in Midwest America, and you have fervently driven yourself into madness trying to answer the questions in your heart that most people don’t answer in a lifetime.
To you, sixteen-year-old Ki, first and foremost you are beautiful. You don’t know that now, I’m not sure you ever will… but try every day to believe it in your heart. Second, you are brilliant. Maybe not by most “normal people’s standards,” but your creativity is rare, unique, passionate. You are not Edgar Allan Poe, but follow his lead. Having role models is key. You know that gut feeling you have now as you sit in English class? Hold on to that. Hold on tight, Kiley. It is OKAY to feel something special when you write. It is OKAY to be a thinker; to be a dreamer. It is OKAY to share your thoughts. Share with everyone. Share your talents. Build your confidence now because I can tell you from experience that the longer you wait, the more you will struggle expressing what you know to be true.
STOP with the fake smile. It is OKAY to be real with people. Being real does not mean showing everyone what they want to see; saying everything others want to hear. Being real is where your life begins, not ends. It is not the end of the world to cry and show people that you are only human.
STOP giving away your love with such ease. People will take advantage of your love. I’m telling you now that the greatest love you will ever know is not far off in the future. His love is beautiful. His love is new. His love is pure.
Have confidence that you will make the right decisions for you. Your path will be different than most your age, but wonderfully adventurous (if you enjoy not sleeping for the rest of your life). If you haven’t caught on already, you will be a young mother. Can you believe it? You will be someone’s role model; someone’s biggest influence for the rest of his life. Have the confidence to know you are a careful listener, a lifelong teacher, an amazing mother.
Lastly, enjoy the short-lived experience that is college.
Your days of:
  • Living for yourself
  • Zero responsibility (except good grades and occasionally dragging your ass out of bed to show up to class) and
  • Building friendships that will last long after your impulsive exit from Hanover (yes, impulsive)
…..will feel like the blink of an eye.
Kiley, if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. If you don’t love yourself, no one else truly can. If you could only read this, at sixteen, oh how different you – I – would be.
Love,
Yourself